Jilawatan Inside

A  triangular paranoid by nature where, insanity is always at its best.. Always afraid to loose control.  Always in dilemma. Rather a person who loves to put himself in dire-straight.
Surprizingly i always had exactly 3 solutions for any problem in life , whether in education or life as whole.
And the best part is that, all solutions came up to me equally appealing.

"So what is Jilawatan? I am asking something to you ,akash.  Define Jilawatan? I am sure as always you are not in a state to answer this also"

This is what happens everytime and always when somone, all of a sudden ask somthing for which i am just not ready to answer.
I go blank. Like a dead meat, i am frozen. Then it feels someone has crushed my inner confidence with his 24 wheeled trolley. Moreover i feel sad about myself . Come-on buddy ,"How can one question traumatize me?" i ask.

I then look inside me. I Introspect myself, reassess. Put across ten thousand questions to myself. And i am again stuck , with no answer in my mind.  I feel broken.

Just within seconds after this questionnaire session, a ripple of "AAL IS WELL" thought occurs. Thats exactly where a second type of me i encounter, who is pretty confident, aggressive (p.s not violent streak type) and who hardly cares about the past or future. In short who put aside past and future , and enjoy the present by taking it as a present and NOT putting one leg over past , one over future and peeing on present.

Thats me , thats JILAWATAN Inside.

Now define Jilawatan?
Jilawatan is a person/soul/entity/thought/object  who/which counters  the  gloomy part of my life with a new ray of hope. A hope to strive, rather to strive for excellence , then staying hopeful for utopia ,  in a way that  success and happiness will come its way as ancillary or as a matter of supplement.

And yes "Jilawatan is my creation" , being created 6 years back. So no need to google : If googled U'l only come to know about a Paki band :P \m/ 

Cheers !!!!